Frank Zappa MIDI

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Watermelon In Easter Hay By Frank Zappa

Why MIDI?

My MIDI

Other MIDI

Why MIDI?

What can MIDI possibly do for me?

We here at NonFoods feel that MIDI may provide a fast, safe and effective way of removing Compositional Ignorance for both novice and professional.


How can this be? I thought Compositional Ignorance was incurable.

After rigorous testing here in the research laboratories as well as random, uncontrolled release into certain segments of the general population, our studies show that, while the disease is not 100% curable, in most cases, heavy dosages of MIDI over an extended period of time can hold the symptoms of the most common strains of Compositional Ignorance in abeyance long enough for the infected individual to seek proper spiritual guidance.


Spiritual Guidance! Is Compositional Ignorance really that serious?

You bet your Zappa collection! Compositional Ignorance is NOT to be trifled with. Our research shows conclusively that compositional Ignorance is the direct result of exposure to certain Musical Stimuli in conjunction with Stupidus Mu-Zishninus - which we have identified as a condition whereby a perfectly ordinary individual arrives at the erroneous conclusion that the public at large actually gives a shit about Creative Musical Extrapolation. Though it has yet to be proven in any way, shape or form, It is widely believed that both Musical Stimuli and Stupidus Mu-Zishinus, as well as Creative Musical Extrapolation are the products of Evil Influence, which everybody knows is propogated by Satan.


Oh my! So, how specifically can MIDI help control this situation?

Because there exists those un-enlightened individuals who either lack the opportunity or, perhaps, choose not to innoculate themseves with Unquestionable Christian Dogma, We here at NonFoods have imbued MIDI with a Two-fold Reponsibility Architecture:

 

For the professional - We consider these individuals to be the worst case imaginable, because they actually believe that they have the right to manipulate air molecules. Numerous clinical studies have shown that this group of people are the most inclined to attempt to construct MIDI files of their own. They will spend countless hour trying to manipulate MIDI data in order to achieve the most realistic performance possible.

The inherent complexities of Zappa's music coupled with the present state of the MIDI specification will insure that these persons are so busy listening for minute details and crunching numbers in order to reproduce this detail that they will lose all desire for social contact and thereby spare decent God-fearing Americans from exposure to Evil Influence.

 

For the novice - These individuals are not as contageous as professionals. They seem to be content to merely collect and listen to vast quantities of Zappa MIDI. They may even become bold enough to experiment with rearranging the instrumentation on several pieces. The danger, here, is that the disease often-times will take a turn for the worst, and, lo and behold, the novice begins to consider the possibility of constructing a MIDI file of their own.

In order to minimize the danger of the novice turning professional, we propose to influence the professionals to create so many high quality MIDI that only the most extreme cases of novice would even think to attempt such a thing as creating their own file. They will be so busy downloading and comparing the various versions that their threat to society will be greatly reduced.

Sounds good to me, but are you suggesting that all MIDI are not of the same "high quality"?

Although some research has shown, albiet inconclusively, that lower quality MIDI can help to temporarily quell the more overt symptoms of Compositional Ignorance, We here at NonFoods believe that only by seeking to emulate the exacting standards of our benevolent benefactor Frank Zappa can we hope to keep this dreaded affliction in check.

To this end we have taken on the task of insuring that all produce of NonFoods shall under-go the most careful scrutiny. We firmly believe in quality over quantity. This is the same standard that is currently being implemented in many contemporary laboratories. It is to be hoped that with industry-wide conscienciousness, we can all work together for the betterment of mankind [queue patriotic music and fade to American Flag].


Well, I certainly don't want to be at risk. Where can I get some MIDI?

We offer a limited stock at the NonFoods' Factory Outlet. If you feel that you need more selection, try this fine retail store.

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